GETTING OLDER

I used to think that getting older was the way to finally be rid of all the bad things that could happen as a crazy adult trying to grow in this fucked up world. I used to believe that once you hit 65 or rather that 55, it was smooth sailing. You know as the "Freedom 55" commercial presents to us. I quickly realized that this is not the case.

Over the long weekend we(my mother and I) had some family visit us from Montreal. Yvonne and her husband, that's my mother's niece and Jimmy and Darlene, my mother's nephew. They came to visit us on different days...one Sunday to Monday morning and then one Monday night til Tuesday afternoon. On Monday morning my mother came in and sat at the edge of my bed crying away. I was immediately concerned something was really wrong.

As I proceeded to ask her what was wrong, she spoke softly saying "Oh my Peggy, I just can't keep up to this anymore. I cannot do for people as I used to. My body does not move as fast. My bones ache with every step and I just feel disabled...Don't ever get old".

I just stared at this woman who is full of vitality and life..or as I sometimes say, piss and vinegar. She never stops, has a heart the size of the ocean and deserves to be named a Saint for all she has done. There was absolutely nothing I could have done for her except let her know that no one expects her to be as able as she was 20 years ago. She turned 65 in April. I have noticed how quickly she has"gone down hill" with the depletion of her discs, her osteo and rhematoid arthritis. A wonderful woman being taken by things our medical system can not help. There are so many people out there with arthritis...and not the kind you take a pill for and feel better. There are times my mother has to literally stay in a seated position for days as she physically cannot move. Is this fair?

I used to look forward to getting older...growing old and feeling wise. Instead I fear it. my mother has buried a child, lost her husband and pains everyday.

What kind of a life is this?