WAITING ON THE WORLD TO CHANGE

Through the words of John Mayer, Waiting on the World to Change. Is it the world we need to change or ourselves?

I was fortunate enough to have been invited to join a friend of mine at the John Mayer performance at Dundas Square on Saturday. We were infront of the stage and had a meet and greet after his set. I must say, JOHN MAYER ROCKS!! He was fuckin amazing. His voice, his facial expressions and the true soul that was eminent though his music. You could see he felt his music not just heard it. I fell in love again with his talent. Let alone, he is a super cutie!

I think that if each of us took the time to truly think of what drives us with that same kind of passion, with that same desire then what we expect to happen, can and would.

I place to all of you, the Mayer Mission: what would make us not have to wait on the world to change but have or realize that the world waits inside of us. Let's see what you all come up with.

Happy Tuesday everyone......(as she leaves her desk whistling the tune in her head..."and we keep on waitin, waitin, waitin on the world to change...yes we keep on waitin, waitin for the world to change)

Love you John.

Godmother to be ~~~~~

About 6 weeks ago the world was blessed with a beautiful and new creation; Amelia May Kirkey.

May I just take a moment to share with you the beauty of this tiny angel without wings. She is so small. Has the perfect little face, her ears have these tiny little tuft's of hair on them, and her eyes are forever gazing. I was amazed at how alert she was when I first met her. When I held her for the first time I cried, I melted. To feel her little heart beating as she lay on my chest sleeping. To hear her little breaths of air going into and out of her lungs....I fell in love.

She represents so many big things, bigger things then her or I could imagine. First of all she represents love. A love between two people that made her possible; a love that now is shared with all who meet her whenever she smiles or sighs. She represents forgiveness and kindness. She represents hope and faith. Faith that good things do happen and will continue. She represents opportunity for us around her to grow and come together. She represents all things that make people great.

I have been asked to be this little blessings Godmother. I gratiously accepted the position. I was enthralled with happiness. To know that I have been asked to be a part of her life for the rest of mine. To guide her, love her and help her whenever and however needed. This is such a wonderful responsiblity.

Thank you mommy and daddy for giving me the chance to be something more then a friend for Amelia. Thank you for allowing me to look at life, once again, through her eyes and see things with innocence.

I love you, the three of you.

Thank you ~~~~~

I remember exactly what he was wearing, exactly how he smelled and exactly how my gum tasted

Yesterday was the 3 year anniversary of the day my father passed away, September 10th, 2003.

As the morning came upon me, I awoke having fond memories of childhood with my father. The years of endless and unconditional love that he provided to my 7 brothers, my sister and I. I remembered all the surprises and the happy times that can never be taken away, although he was taken to his final resting place. I could remember exactly what he was wearing, exactly how he smelled and exactly how my gum tasted.

As I got up from my slumber I began to remember how my mother and I cared for my father at home. He had requested not to be brought to a nursing home or the hospital when things got really bad. My mother and I decided to keep him at home and provide the best care we could while he was still on this earth. I remember sitting with him loving him, talking to him(even though he was in a coma, hoping he could hear) and I remember singing to him. I remember my mother bathing him and I would help her. When she was finished, she would always cover his body with baby powder. He would smell as sweet and innocent as what he truly was. As all these momories flooded through my mind I remembered exactly what he was wearing, exactly how he smelled and exactly how my gum tasted.

My father had a very horrible death. He had regained consciousness a few days before his final day. Since he was unable to eat for a few weeks at this point, he was not able to respond to us as his mind had lost its source of nourishment. He was in so much pain, he had gone to nothing but skin and bones and struggled for every breathe of air. It was the most degrading possiblity one could ever imagine for a loved one. Myself, my brother and my mother were with him when the time came. He was laying in bed with my brother holding him on his side, my mother holding a cloth to his mouth and I was holding one hand with my other hand on his chest. I watched as my hand lowered into his body with his very last breathe. I looked to my mother and then to my brother and we all sighed a sigh of relief. He as gone but he was no longer suffering. we were content to know he did not have to struggle and fight a losing battle any longer.

My brother and mother had left the room to gather themselves. My mother contacted the family to notify them of the happenings. I sat in the bed holding him and saying my last good bye. The family doctor and funeral director arrived a short time afterwards to pronounce death and take him from us. It was so hard. I can feel it as though it were yesterday. I dried my mothers tears as though it were yesterday. I miss him everyday.

Now living in the day, I prepared myself to go to our families church to light a candle and have mass to remember my father and the good times. To pray for everlasting happiness and strength for all who knew him.

As I entered the church and blessed myself, I remembered exactly what he was wearing, exactly how he smelled and exactly how my gum tasted.

GETTING OLDER

I used to think that getting older was the way to finally be rid of all the bad things that could happen as a crazy adult trying to grow in this fucked up world. I used to believe that once you hit 65 or rather that 55, it was smooth sailing. You know as the "Freedom 55" commercial presents to us. I quickly realized that this is not the case.

Over the long weekend we(my mother and I) had some family visit us from Montreal. Yvonne and her husband, that's my mother's niece and Jimmy and Darlene, my mother's nephew. They came to visit us on different days...one Sunday to Monday morning and then one Monday night til Tuesday afternoon. On Monday morning my mother came in and sat at the edge of my bed crying away. I was immediately concerned something was really wrong.

As I proceeded to ask her what was wrong, she spoke softly saying "Oh my Peggy, I just can't keep up to this anymore. I cannot do for people as I used to. My body does not move as fast. My bones ache with every step and I just feel disabled...Don't ever get old".

I just stared at this woman who is full of vitality and life..or as I sometimes say, piss and vinegar. She never stops, has a heart the size of the ocean and deserves to be named a Saint for all she has done. There was absolutely nothing I could have done for her except let her know that no one expects her to be as able as she was 20 years ago. She turned 65 in April. I have noticed how quickly she has"gone down hill" with the depletion of her discs, her osteo and rhematoid arthritis. A wonderful woman being taken by things our medical system can not help. There are so many people out there with arthritis...and not the kind you take a pill for and feel better. There are times my mother has to literally stay in a seated position for days as she physically cannot move. Is this fair?

I used to look forward to getting older...growing old and feeling wise. Instead I fear it. my mother has buried a child, lost her husband and pains everyday.

What kind of a life is this?